Ladders

   It's strange how some lessons in life stay with you for years. Some of which you continue to adapt new information and new lessons to over time. I learned a lot about ladders from my older brother Brent a long time ago.
   In 1997 or 1998 I was working for Brent. Well the way this went down was actually slightly different than that. I worked for him many times in my life. I started around the age of 14 and continued until I was about 25. Brent was a painter. Perhaps he will be again someday, though I thinks he has hopes that it is now behind him. Still, once you learn a trade it is kind of a part of you no matter where you go or what you do.
   So, round about 1998 I was talking to my friend Jamie. He and I thought it would be a pretty cool idea if I were to move out to Vallejo, CA and live with him for a while. I had a lot of independence in my late teenage years. We decided that it was going to happen. All I needed was some cash to get there. My mom called Brent and asked if he had something I could work on to earn some quick gas money. A day later I was in Orem, UT dressed to paint houses.
   Up until this point in my life Brent had really only ever allowed me to do prep work for him. You know, sanding and caulking and the like. It's rigorous work and there is no fun in it. However this time was different. I showed up and Brent handed me 3 things: a ladder, a bucket and a brush. He pointed out some windows sills and told me to get up the ladder and get painting. Then he got in his truck and left.
   For the next 6 hours I was more or less all alone. I thought the work in front of me was daunting. I was to paint trim around 4 or 5 windows in an almost peanut butter color. All of the windows were on the second story. There were only 2 that forced me to stand on the ladder to paint. The others were gables and so I could sit on the roof nearby and paint them. I remember starting with the harder ones.
   First I had to get the ladder up to the windows. It was an extension ladder and as I recall was rather heavy. Setting it up was one of the hardest things I had to do that day. I almost put it through a window. Luckily it bounced off. Once I got it up on the left side of the first window I only needed to climb it and start painting.
   So, I got my bucket and brush and started climbing the ladder. The first time up an extension ladder is kind of a defining moment in my opinion. Basically from that point on one of two things can happen. Either you will never climb one again or you will force yourself to be okay with it and never care about it again. I suppose we could have a nice conversation about that alone. Another time perhaps.
   I climbed that ladder with bucket in hand. I realized as I took each step that I was going to have to decide if this was frightening. Once I got to the top I realized that I could see above and over the houses in the neighborhood. My decision was easy. I wasn't afraid. I should note that since that day I have fallen off a ladder twice with no injury yet, just to pat myself on the back a little.
   The rest of the day I spent a lot of time going up and down the ladder. I had to move it a lot to reach different areas of the windows. I had to refill the pain bucket. After a while the thought of fear left and I started feeling like the ladder was a chore more than anything else. It was really hard to move and really hard to climb up and down with a bucket of paint.
   Some hours passed and Brent returned. He was appalled at how little I had finished. He took me aside and asked me what I thought at the time to be a stupid question. He asked, "Do you know what takes the most time out of your day when you are painting?" My instant answer was, "climbing up and down the ladder." He paused only momentarily thinking I was giving him a smart-alec response. However, I was serious. From my limited view of painting the ladder climbing was what took me the most time. However, Brent had a larger perspective and was trying to share that with me. He continued and said, "No, the thing that takes the most time painting is dipping the brush. If you do it wrong you can lose up to 40% of your work time just dipping the brush." He then taught me how to dip my brush fast and effective.
   About a year later I realized that he was completely right. I realized that much of painting is done without a ladder or with a step stool that is easy to ascend and descend. But when it is time to put paint on the wall you have to be quick about it. I realized that the technique he taught me that day was actually a vital tool for painting, not just for painting that one day. Brent saw the big picture when he taught me that lesson. He was standing on top of a different ladder that day and was calling down to me below with advice.
   As it turns out I have learned a lot of lessons based on this simple one. I learned the value of efficiency. Over the years efficiency has proven to be a valuable tool in all my employment. I was able to directly use that lesson for many years as I painted homes, mostly for Brent and some short time with Dennis. I adapted that as a lab technician and taught myself how to accomplish all of the mundane tasks that lab workers do as quickly and efficiently as possible. This left me open in the past for taking part in some extra projects with talented engineers where I learned many more valuable lessons.
   The idea of a ladder is prevalent in the business world. Many people talk about climbing the corporate ladder. I think for a while I got caught up in that myself. I wanted to become someone important. I worked very hard to be considered for positions of great responsibility. Ultimately I did receive some of those coveted positions. I realized much later that climbing that ladder, though it did have its advantages, made me into a strange kind of person. A lot of people didn't like that version of me. Looking back there are some things that I don't like about that version of me.
   I think that is why, as I now see people heedlessly trying to climb their business ladders, I desire to stop them from their silly games. I want to show people that their ego wants power but their social well being doesn't. I realize this is something I could never have known let alone taught had I not reached what is essentially the top of one of these ladders, from which I now look down and say try climbing a different ladder, one that is more rewarding.

The New Job

   I started a new job about 2 weeks ago. So far so good. That is to say I like the job and the people I work with.
   I realize this is kind of a change from the normal posting for me. I normally wouldn't post anything that seems like a journal entry. However, I consider this news for people who may like news.
   One of the main things that I have noticed in the last 2 weeks is that now that I have a job I feel like writing. For the last year it has been my goal to write stories. However, I found out that one of my shortcomings in the area of writing is that I have a hard time separating my real world issues from it. Basically what I mean is that once I was able to see we were heading down a path of financial suffering I began to stress about money far too much. It kind of consumed my thoughts and I was almost unable to write anything at all. I did continue to write but the progress was slow.
   Right now I have 2 stories that have been started and I would now like to finish one of them and get it ready for submission to a science fiction magazine. Finding the time is a little bit difficult though. I have limited time at home and it is often very busy so when it isn't busy I want to play or just rest. So, finishing anything is going to be a challenge.
   I am encouraged by the fact that my mind, which is now clear of the previous financial stresses, is gearing up to write stories. I will just have to find a way to balance my time so that I may.

The Golden Rule of Dating or What I Wish I Knew What I Was 15

   From time to time I like to look back at the various choices I made when I was young. Today is one of those days. What brought this on was a Taylor Swift song about being 15. I'm not entirely sure what the song is about actually. But as I was listening to it and doing the dishes I thought about this post.
   When I was a teenager my parents moved from Vallejo, California to Orem, Utah. It was for me a very difficult transition. It was further complicated by the fact that at the time it occurred I was in the middle of my first real social experience with the opposite sex. What I mean to say is right before I moved I was presented with what I perceived as the first possible relationship ever. And really that is what I want to talk about, my perceptions.
   Really the story doesn't start when I moved to Utah. It started years earlier when I had a school boy crush on a girl named Christine (I use the real name because I am fairly sure she will never read this). I went to school with Christine for about 3 years. She was the smartest person in our class. I actually decided to become a straight A student because I saw that she was. As a little boy I thought she would be impressed.
   The first year we barely got to know each other. I had a crush on her but she could never have known it. The second year we were seated close to each other. Close enough to interact but not close enough for my personal liking. The third and final year was sixth grade. On the first day I was shocked to see that she was seated on the other side of the room. About a month into that year the teacher moved her next to me where she stayed the rest of the year. Eventually the two of us were moved close to the teacher's desk with a couple of other students that I now think the teacher wanted us to help. The rest of that year I remember with fondness. I could talk to her all the time. And I did. At one point the other guy at our table, Ryan, basically let me know he knew about my crush and tried to tell me to go for it, whatever that means to kids in elementary school. But I was scared.
   You see I was afraid of rejection. The truth is that now as an adult I can see that there was very little to be afraid of. The girl I had a crush on obviously had one on me. I was blinded by my fear.
   Sometime about a year after leaving grade school she moved to upstate New York. That was the last I have ever heard about her. I think I once found her on Facebook but it could have been someone else. I never did tell her how I felt about her and I still feel like it was stupid.
   Fast forward back to my previous story. I was 15 about to be 16 and I had another crush. I was afraid of telling the girl I liked her but this time I had two things to help me along. First, there was no real consequences because our family was already packing for Orem. Second, I was haunted by what had occurred to me before.
   So, one night before I went to bed I wrote a little note. I can't remember what it said but it must have been like this, "I like you. I know I am moving but I wanted you to know before I left." And as I gave it to her the next day I felt like shooting myself rather than give it to her. However I did give it to her and the results were very positive. That time I felt like an idiot because by the time I found out she liked me too it was too late. We moved.
   I withheld the name of this girl because she might read this. If you do don't be mad, the experience is illustrative.
   Once I got to Utah I vowed to learn from my mistakes and not hold back ever again. What did I have to lose anyway? Nobody in Utah even knew me. I understood very little about how we as kids interacted and even less about myself. Because I made the same mistake again even while I was believing that I had grown out of it.
   I had a neighbor in Orem, let's call her Julie. She treated me better than anyone else in my neighborhood (for some reason there were a lot of people that didn't like me but that is another story). She would say hello to me in school. She was just about the only person that didn't look away when I was around. It was strange. But I thought she was too beautiful. I thought that she was above me. So, rather than talk to her I talked to the girls that I thought were more at my level. And when I asked one of them out she turned out to be really boring and I never asked her out again. But all the time I thought I had grown out of my shyness.
   Years later I ran into Julie in a store. I had a girlfriend with me. It was awkward and kind of enlightening. My girlfriend pointed out to me that Julie was obviously interested in me. It was in that moment that it all clicked in my brain.
   Years and years of heartache and all I needed to know was one simple thing. That thing is that women are people too. They are subject to the same feelings as I was. They had their own desires and fears. Once I realized that my life changed. Or it would have had I realized it when I said I did. I learned the fact right then and there but it was not until years later that I really understood it. In all truth I think my wife really helped me understand it.
   So the Golden Rule? Look at people as though they were you. Try to see what they see. You may see that they have a crush on you.